You're Doing Better Than You Think
Trust me
After I got off a phone call, I saw a river in the kitchen stemming from the dishwasher. We don’t have chairs for the dining room table; instead, there are two pairs of footstools and storage ottomans. One of the ottomans that held precious artifacts from my childhood (what few I have) was soaked—it sucked up the water like a parched plant.
Immediately I pulled out the contents, afraid they succumbed to their wet doom. They were my old sketchbooks from 2014 or earlier, luckily intact. While I waited for maintenance, I flipped through the pages, most of which were of characters from games I played or stories I wrote.
Memories came flooding back (pun intended…?), and I was back as my younger self, disappointed in how poorly I drew. Eyes were either too far or too close and inconsistent in size. Hands were visible, but the proportion and direction of fingers were questionable. Clothing details were lost after too many pencil strokes.
I scrutinized everything.
While I tried to improve, I eventually gave up. I didn’t see a career path in art; I was strictly a hobbyist (nothing wrong with that, I know now). I compared and compared myself to others and never felt good enough.
After I flipped through all the pages and left the darkness of my past, I couldn’t believe how badly I used to doubt myself…if only I could see things back then as I do now.
When I looked at the drawings as my present self, they were good. I felt proud. I felt foolish for beating myself up for what I thought was mediocrity.
Now I can only wonder what would’ve happened if I had stuck with it. If I kept drawing and didn’t give in to my doubts.
Nevertheless, even in small amounts, I still draw. It’s another form of freedom I hold close to my heart and another way to connect with my past.
Just remember that you’re doing better than you think with anything you do. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, wait until you reflect on those moments later in life—you’ll surprise yourself. But don’t take that long; recognize it now.
P.S: New items are up on my Etsy shop, including a cute mushroom necklace!
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Wow <3