Last week I mentioned a trip to the doctor’s to help my anxiety. Not only did I find answers, but I also found relief. My anxious ways were rooted in depression. If I had bet money on it being that, I would’ve lost a thousand times over. Anxiety was a veil, revealing a deeper cause.
I’m grateful I listened to myself when I felt I had no control and sought help. If you’re questioning the stability of your mental health, please listen to yourself; you know what’s best for you. That said, this, or the following essay, is in no way medical advice or a reflection of what others go through. I’m speaking for myself and, with that, an informal letter to my depression about coming to terms with my diagnosis.
I didn’t think it’d be you. I called you by another name; anxiety. All along, I called you what you weren’t, wondering why techniques to calm your false name never worked. Why I couldn’t feel and experience situations like others my age. Why I was so sensitive and sad, even in settings where I shouldn’t be.
As soon as I heard it was you and the surprise of it subsided, it made sense. You were tired of anxiety taking the blame. You were asleep for too long, and you wanted your voice heard. You saw the self-fulfilling prophecy if I didn’t seek you out. You cried, yelled, and demanded to be made visible.
And so you were.
Instead of us living together in fire, the flames have been doused, and now I see this other side of you. One that’s gentle, even fun. I can breathe easier, and I’m sure you can too.
We’ve moved into the water, able to flow freely with one another. Our movements are in sync; when I move, you follow. When you speak, I listen. We’ve achieved perfect harmony, and I no longer fear you.
We’re in this together, side by side. Work with me, and I’ll work with you. This partnership is most likely forever, and I hope we can continue this way toward love and light. For once I feel it deep in my soul that’ll be.
Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this, please share with a friend, subscribe, or buy me a coffee (read: soda). Any form of support is greatly appreciated. 🤍
I resonate with the ✨click✨ of understanding in our hearts when we arrive INTO another depth of understanding, another layer of learning with the longing that lives in our shadows. The need to be acknowledged and Voiced, our spectrum of feeling coming into clarity so that we can deepen our intimacy with our Wholeness. Thank you for sharing your revelations and for expressing your receptivity with this new awareness. It feels good to not be afraid of what we feel 🌬🌀
I am so proud of you! You got this baby!❤️❤️❤️❤️